my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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