do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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