apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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