somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
