Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
