my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
