highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
