Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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