you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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