My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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