So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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