I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Shame is for Republicans.
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