Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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