sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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