She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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