The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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