I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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