smell my finger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
