I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
