oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
