We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
