No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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