We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
