her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's blow job season.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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