We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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