I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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