I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
