watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
