What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
