Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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