He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
