ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
