so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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