oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
