Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
