Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
