Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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