He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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