my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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