That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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