Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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