He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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