The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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