Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
