Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
