I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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