I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
