Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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