he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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