I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
