He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize