i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
