New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
