so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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