I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
