the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
These tits shall not be calmed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
