i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
