I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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