hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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