I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
