she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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