ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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