I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
