That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
