Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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